The Lead

Brock: Hi, I’m Brock Brockleman and here with me on the mike at ringside is the current news champion of the world, MSNBC.

MSNBC: Yo Brock, it’s great to be here.

Brock: Well, MSNBC, it’s great to have you. Your Web site traffic is always among the tops when disaster strikes, and your network is starting to make gains again. And we can read you on cell phones around the world. Who’d-a thunk it?

MSNBC: Word, Brock. Word.

Brock: Couldn’t have said it better myself. Now, let’s look at the former champ. This week, the Times hid all its columnists online behind a subscription fee of nearly $50 a year. Oh, sure, the rest of the Times is free online. But fifty bucks for a handful of columnists? Are you kidding me?

MSNBC: I’m hip to your kitchen ‘cause I know what you’re cookin’. Can’t believe it myself. But maybe those boys at the Old Gray Lady know what’s up.

Brock: Well, let history be the judge of that. You’re news is all over network television, the Web, cell phones galore, MSN, blah blah blah. You’re nearly ubiquitous.

MSNBC: Hey, that’s one of them $10 words. Back off, man.

Brock: Point well taken, MSNBC. Point well taken. Now, to the challenger. What do you make of this upstart Web Savvy? He’s a rebel, no doubt about that.

MSNBC: You’re whacked, Brock. Savvy gets his news anywhere he can. He’s a man of the people. Do you think this 25-year-old dude wants to read Maureen Dowd? I mean, yeah, she’s got it goin’ on, but seriously? Does she podcast?

Brock: Now, hold on there. You broadcast news on television with NBC’s B-squad. You’ve lagged far behind CNN and your other competitors for years. Aren’t you irrelevant?

MSNBC: Brockizzle shizzle…d’you still measure yourself in spans and cubits? Savvy doesn’t watch me, and I don’t expect him to watch cable news. He’s too busy playing Grand Theft Auto 2, or downloading the latest tunes from Paul Wall, dig?

Brock: Interesting. Very interesting.

Ding!

Brock: There’s the bell for the first round. The Times shuffles left. But we’re looking at the Web Savvy corner, and he’s not moving – he’s just standing there with his arms down. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it!

MSNBC: No way, man!

Brock: Yes way! The Times closes in and…oh! Savvy reached down to remove his cell phone from his side pants pocket to read the news and whoosh! The Times threw a right and missed! Now Savvy is back up and he’s trying to find his favorite news podcast on his Nano. There, he’s got it. Wait a second…he’s removing his ear buds and is placing them on The Times. The Times goes down! The Times goes down! The referee is on the mat! 10, 9, 8, 7, The Times staggers to his feet, 6, 5, oh no, word comes to The Times that 500 will be laid off, 4, 3, 2, 1, that’s it! He’s out! He’s out! Savvy is your winner!

MSNBC: Wo, like, he never had a chance.

Brock: No MSNBC, he did. But he blew it. And now he will face you for the world championship!

MSNBC: No problemo. We’re home school.

Brock: Word.