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The Art of the Apology as told by GQ Magazine

Posted by Matt Kucharski on January 23, 2010 at January 23, 2010 10:26 AM

New York Observer and sometime GQ columnist Jason Gay has a nice little piece in the 2.10 issue of GQ on why men are so lousy at apologies. While he's talking about your average person, he could be talking about your average company and how it acts in the face of a crisis.

In case you don't have time to pick up the magazine (do it -- there's a great piece on cooking essentials too), here's a summary of Gay's top 10 rules for apologies along with commentary from yours truly -- average people and average companies take heed:

Rule 1: Don't just apologize to feel better -- apologize to move on. It's about changing the dialog from what happened to what will happen going forward.

Rule 2: At the risk of sounding obvious, actually apologize. No, folks, explaining why you did what you did is not an apology.

Rule 3: Don't let pride get in the way. Everyone makes mistakes. Leaders admit them.

Rule 4: No, you cannot apologize via email. The more serious the transgression, the more personal the apology must be. I'm guessing that text I sent my wife when I missed her birthday didn't cut it.

Rule 5: Tell the whole truth. If you tell a partial apology, you'll just have to tell another one later. And another one later. And another...

Rule 6: Know when to shut up. Variation on Rule 1. That apology can be so cathartic that you want to do it again and again. Resist the urge. The more you explain, the more you have to explain...

Rule 7: Don't expect instant forgiveness. An apology doesn't automatically make everything better. Your 401k is gonna take some time to come back. So's your reputation.

Rule 8: Get back to work. What you do is ultimately going to determine your recovery much more than what you say.

Rule 9: Don't expect your spouse (or your customer) to stick by you. Apologies don't mean that people won't be pissed off. You've done some damage. Some will stick by you, some will bolt. Those who bolt shouldn't be criticized for leaving. You're the one who screwed up.

Rule 10: Time heals all wounds - even wounds by having sex with lots of people in Las Vegas. The author was referring to Tiger Woods. Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm writing this from my hotel room in Vegas at this moment. Honey, I'll text you later...

AND A LITTLE BIT OF VALUE ADD -- here are Gay's 5 worst apologies in history -- and he's nailed it:

1. Jimmy Swaggert. The first one ("I have sinned against you Lord") was surpassed by the second one after being caught with a hooker ("The Lord told me it's none of your business.")

2. Mel Gibson. "I was drunk and that's why I called you a dirty Jew."

3. Michael Richards. "Jerry will apologize for me in person. I'll just join from this comfy, safe satellite feed."

4. Allen Iverson. I can't begin to describe this one. I'm sure there was an apology in there somewhere.

5. John Edwards. Yes, I had sex with her, but the kid can't be mine. Well, maybe it can be...

6. (A freebie from me) Dick Cheney's apology for shooting his friend -- 5 days later -- on Fox News. Sort of like apologizing to the mirror.

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Posted by: Paul Batz at January 23, 2010 2:08 PM

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